And it is not finished...

I have known Daniel for four years now. We have been dating for 2.5 years and we've been married 3 weeks. You would think I know all there is to know about him but I still keep learning more. Things I've learned about Daniel recently:
-He can't simply put something in the trash can, he has to throw it.
-If he makes the shot it will be followed by a fist pump. (even if he thinks no one is looking)
-He would never admit it but I am positive he likes my girlie shows, especially The Bachelorette.
-He prefers to watch t.v. laying down. (The problem with this is he cant lay down for longer than 20 minutes without falling asleep)
I love learning more and more about him. I like knowing how he ticks. The more I know about him the more I like. 1billion points to me for snatching this guy up.

Isn't he the cutest?!

But it's life as we know it...

Were back from our honeymoon in St. Lucia...see really pretty picture here:

Married life... Where do I begin?

Married life is different. It is less about personal space and more about 'oh hey this is a really small bathroom for both of us to be brushing our teeth at the same time but we are'. It is really different but I like it. It is like having a constant slumber party with your best friend. I like having someone to plan my meals with. I like cooking in our really tiny kitchen. I like having company without having to ask for it. Married life is different but it is good. I am excited about the things I am learning about Daniel. I am reading this book called 'For Women Only' by Shaunti Feldhahn. I have learned more about men than I ever imagined. Every women should read it at some point. (note: Daniel is reading 'For Men Only' and says it too is incredible) Read it people, you'll learn something I swear. I guess that is all for now I mean we have only been married a week and a half but I will keep you updated.

But this week...

It is here. The moment I have been waiting for. I have been dreaming about and planning for this day for SO long. To think that I get to stand in front of everyone and marry the man of my dreams bring this warmth to my heart that I cannot explain. I am about to become a wife. I am about to enter this point in my life where my flaws of selfishness will be magnified and I could not be more excited or frightened. I am excited to become more disciplined as a godly woman. I am excited to encourage Daniel when he is tired of chasing his dreams. I am excited to wake up next to the love of my life every single morning. I am nervous that Daniel is about to get to know all sides of me, broken and dirty included. I am nervous that I will disappoint him. I am nervous that I wont live up to his expectations of a wife. But I am excited to fail and grow with him. I am excited to learn more about him every day. And I am excited to love him whole heartedly for the rest of my life. There is no time left. This is the week. My future is about to begin.

Dear Daniel, I cannot wait to run down the aisle to you and say 'I do' to the rest of our lives.

But I always will...

New favorite band: The Civil Wars. They have this song called Poison & Wine (it should be playing right now). The lyrics: 

You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don't want me to

Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

The less I give the more I get back

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

I don't have a choice but I still choose you

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will 

It is about a relationship (obvious haha). Well, ok, in her interview she says its about when you are in a relationship there are times when things are tough. There are times when you are angry and you just want to run away. There are times when you of it as a game. There are times when you want to give up. But she says thats part of being in a relationship. She talks about how if the relationship is real you always get through those times. 

It is called unconditional love. ASC had our semester retreat a few weekends ago and something I learned about myself is that I haven't grasped this concept of unconditional love. I mean I know I unconditionally love my family and unconditionally love Daniel but it's the unconditional love for me that I don't get. I can blame it on a lot of things probably most likely a HS relationship gone wrong but when it comes down to it I am left with these issues of abandonment and rejection. It has left me in this place where I feel like I have to perform to be loved. This includes my relationship with my family, Daniel, friends, and Jesus. The idea that there is nothing I can do to make Jesus (or daniel, or my friends, or my family) love me less is really foreign. But I pray over the next month (before i get married in 26 days whoop) I can see glimpses of this unconditional love Jesus gives. I am looking forward to getting to know Jesus as my lover. 

And I wait...

5 days until summer

5 days until I am done with ASC (after 8 semesters that sounds really weird)

13 days until I take bridal portraits

21 days until I turn 22

23 days until my bachelorette party

24 days until I move into our house 

38 days until I marry the love of my life (whoop)

39 days until the honeymoon (yay for a vacation)

It is weird to think this chapter of my life is coming to an end. I will admit I definitely didn't see it ending the way it is. If I had the power to change some things I definitely would but sadly I don't. And so that leaves me trusting that God's plan is so much bigger and better than mine. That leaves me anxiously waiting for the rest of my life to begin. 

And now we can breath a little...

Best friend,
Neither of us would admit it but we have been holding our breath over the past few weeks. To be honest every time the phone rang my heart sank to my stomach. We finally received the call today to end our worrying. I never realized how much I want to have children of our very own until I realized how much it hurt to think that I might not be able to. I am so thankful for your support during this time. You held me. You let me cry. And you told me everything would be okay. You have stepped up and taken the lead in our relationship. I am so proud of you. 46 days until we get to be husband and wife. That is 6 and a half weeks until I promise you my future. I love that we have secrets. I love the fact that our text messages look like they are in code. I love how much of a servant you are. I love that you put up with my off tune improv songs. I don't love that you are typically late but I can live with it. I love that you love Jesus more than you love me. I don't know how you ignore all of my issues and mistakes but I am so thankful you do.  You are the man of my dreams and I can't wait to spend forever with you. I love you.

Jesus,
I know that you are for me. I trust that you intend everything for good. Thank you for giving me Truth. Thank you for your grace and mercy. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Let everything I do be glorifying to you.

And mold me...

I get to marry my best friend in 53 days!

We have pre-marriage counseling tonight so I was reading in the book were studying and there was one quote I enjoyed a lot. "What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down- that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to worry about scaring him off." -Josh McDowell

Lord, continue to refine me. Help me grow more in the next 53 days than I ever have. I whole heartedly desire to be the woman of God that Daniel deserves. Continue teaching me because I have so much to learn. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you for a man that radiates your love. And thank you for loving me enough to give me life and breath each day.

And 2 posts in 1 day...

I know I know 2 posts in 1 day. Crazy. But I just had to add something because he deserves it.

Daniel, 67 days until we become one. 67 days until I get to share my life with you. 67 days until I become your wife. I am so thankful for the person you are. Thank you for loving me when I fail. Thank you for celebrating when I succeed. Thank you for seeing growth in me. Thank you for seeing past my walls I have put up and seeing directly into my heart. You know me. You get me. You love me. That almost seems like a miracle to me. You are one of the most godly men I know. You never cease to amaze me. I really can't explain how much you mean to me. But I am excited to try to show you every day for the rest of my life. You deserve the world my dear. You have changed my life. -Jodi

And is that me?

I met up with an old friend the other day and I made a comment about how I feel like I have changed a lot over the past year. She asked how... This leads me to todays post.

I HAVE changed over the past year. I think my biggest improvement is not pretending I have it all together. Last year I always put on this mask like I didn't have problems or wasn't struggling with anything. Instead of seeing my failures and mistakes as something to hide I accept them and try to improve. I know I am not perfect and I know I have things to work on but I am glad I am at a place where I can admit that. My goal is next year when I look back I see more improvement. I would love to not be so insecure about myself. Looking out how much I have changed in the past year I think it is possible.

I am excited the Lord is changing me. I am thankful he is molding me. And I am grateful he is making me in his image. Trials suck but at least they are making me into a better person.

And again with the humbling...

I had a bridal shower yesterday. It was so much fun. We ate, played a game, opened presents, mingled. The presents and games were a blast but the most memorable part of it was at the end when we were praying and different people prayed out loud for Daniel and I.  As tears came to my eyes, I realized how completely blessed I was in that moment. I am completely humbled by how many people are invested in this marriage. I am just so honored that people would take time out of their busy days to pray for us or ask how things are going or come to a shower. I just can't explain how honored and blessed I feel right now.

But I stand waiting with a confident hope...

Let me start this off by saying, I am falling more and more in love with my sweet savior every day. A while ago, not knowing what I was getting myself into, I asked the Lord to mold me to be more like him and to make me into the God fearing wife I should be. Oh how powerful prayer is (can I get an amen)!

Jesus has turned my life upside down. He is putting me into places I do not want to be. He is forcing me to make decisions I do not want to make. He is showing me who I really am. And He is humbling me more than ever. But with these difficult times, comes this confident hope. Yes, He is forcing me to depend on Him. Yes, He is forcing me to give up the things I desire most. Yes, He is forcing me to see my imperfections. But whats beautiful is what comes from those things. He forces me to depend on Him to show me He loves me (unconditionally). He forces me to give up the things I desire most, to show me He is in control and will provide for me. He forces me to see the ugly side of me, so I can learn to be more like Him.

Dear Jodi (self), lean not on your own understanding (Prov 3:5) but trust that the Lord will give you the desires of your heart (Psalms 37:4). Allow the Lord to work through you because if you try to do it alone you will fail (Ecc 2:11). Rejoice in the victory because he partook in your suffering (1Peter 1:6-9) You are wanted, you are adored, and you are loved. (John 15:9)

And I want to be a cute housewife...

I am trying to prepare to decorate my HOUSE and here are some things I would like to see in my home. I know I don't exactly have the $ (dolla bills) to pay for this yet but this is just something fun to look forward to. Okay...

Top left picture: I love the industrial feel of this kitchen but I love this HUGE antique clock even more.
Top middle: I like these precious little cubby shelves for nick-nacks and what nots. It would look really cute in a living room.
Top right: Again with the awesome industrial stuff. How cool is this tv stand/ locker combo?! Great for storage.
Bottom right: Bedside table out of old luggage bags. Creative and AWESOME.
Bottom middle: I love this warm cottage antique glassware case.
Bottom left: I just love this room in general. It is so warm and 'homey' feeling. Love the flowers everywhere gives it a nice spring feeling.

SO YEA HERES TO MY FUTURE HOME.

And it is spring break...

It is spring break. YAY! Even though, no one is in town, and I haven't traveled the U.S. or done anything out of the ordinary, my spring break has been satisfying. So far I have...

started reading this book. It is incredible and I haven't wanted to put it down.

gone shopping and purchased these bad boys (measuring cups) along with some new clothes.

gotten a DEEP TISSUE massage. Though this picture makes you think relaxing, my massage was the opposite. My woman masseuse must have turned into a man when I put my head down because it felt like I had a linebacker rubbing my back. Good news is even though I left in pain I am very sure she got out all the knots. Bad news is I think I need another massage to get rid of the pain of the last one.

Other than that I have worked and gotten some R&R. It has been nice. 

And it is promised...

"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands." 2 Corinthians 5:1

But He is jealous for me...

So, my first wedding shower was pretty awesome. It was humbling seeing everyone who cared so much for our future. I can't explain what a blessing it was to have people come up to me and tell me they were praying for us and our future. Wow, I was thrown off guard to hear that. What an incredible blessing it was to hear that people care enough to pray for us! As for presents, we received so much including a microwave, convection oven, towels, 2 quesadilla makers, and a NINJA BLENDER. That is right ladies and gentlemen... a NINJA BLENDER! This is the blender of blenders. With 3 blades (one on the bottom, one in the middle, and one towards the top) it puts all other blenders to shame.

This leads me to how I am feeling... Well, I have almost felt sort of second rate lately. I will use Daniel as an example. There have been times when we have watched basketball and I will say something to him and he gives me a short "yea" comment. I know he would rather be watching the game than talking to me (duh, he is a boy). That is what I mean though. In that instance I was second rate because basketball came before whatever comment I was making.  Well, I feel like this has happened a lot recently. In Daniels defense, he isn't the only one. But, (here is where I tie in Jesus) this morning, at church, we sang 'How He Loves'. It starts off saying, "He is jealous for me". This hit so deep. My Jesus is jealous for me. My Jesus wants my time. My Jesus thinks of  me as first rate. My Jesus wants me. My Jesus considers me the NINJA BLENDER of all blenders. So this is me praising my Jesus for wanting me.