And He set me apart...

I know what I want for Christmas/ 1/2 birthday....

I WANT TO BE SPECIAL!

(Special - adjective: being a particular one)

But come home it's not too late...

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

But he loves us...

I had some beautiful time this morning just being reminded of how much my God loves me. I watched a link on the inspiration behind How He Loves by John Mark McMillan and I instantly felt God's love pour over me. In his video John talks about how the love he's singing about isn't a pretty clean love but it's a love thats willing to love things that are messy and difficult. It's a love thats not afraid of the gross disgusting things like myself. My last blog talked about my tar-filled heart and so this song just really speaks to me. Our God is willing to love someone as dirty and filthy, as messed up and broken as me. That is a love worth singing about.

I challenge you to remind yourself how much our God loves you today. Watch the sunset, write down all your blessings, do whatever you have to but allow the Lord to swoon you today.

If you want to know the story behind this song here is the link I watched.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NXWE6AC8ao&feature=related

But He longs for me...

This weekend was ASC retreat and I really enjoyed it. The speaker spoke about how we are all sinners and what that looks like. She made a comment that so often we think of sin as adultery or lying or murder (which they are) but we forget about the inward stuff. Sin can also be an attitude of the heart, some examples include: jealousy, bitterness, anxiety, fear, depression, pride. This kind of hit hard for me. I can think of an instance I have fallen to every single one of these within the past week alone. I think if someone says that these aren't something they struggle with they aren't exactly being honest with themselves. Lets be real with ourselves, we are dirty and filthy and filled with sin. I heard it described once as if we were to think of all of our mistakes and sin and imagine what our hearts would look like. I know mine would probably look like it had been set on fire and then covered with tar. I am a pretty broken person. I have a lot of sin and mistakes that I don't want people to know about. The truth is the one person that matters knows it all. God knows every single sin I have made. He knows what my heart looks like.

The best part about this lesson comes when we realize that even though God knows what our hearts look like (tar filled and all) He still loves and wants us. He longs for us and desires to have a relationship with us.

This goes along with the title of this blog. I mentioned it before but it is a line from the song "Wedding Dress" by Derek Webb. It says, "I am a whore I do confess, I put you on like a wedding dress and I run down the aisle to you." So many times we run from God and when we decide to go back He is always there waiting for us with open arms. Why is it that we give ourselves to so many other things than come back to our Savior? We put Him on like a wedding dress and become white as snow again. We treat the creator of the world like crap and yet He still loves us the same. We have the opportunity to have a beautiful love story. My challenge for you (and myself especially) is to pursue the Lord and find joy in your romantic comedy with the Lord.

But it's only for a moment...

"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5

But were labeled...

I haven't had a lot to say over the past month but I finally found something worth saying, so here it goes.

I am sick and tired of people labeling me. I thought labeling people ended when you graduate high school but now I am starting to think it will never end. Here are some examples of the labels that have been forced upon me: the engaged girl, the girl who makes C's, the girl who is on exec, the girl who answers phones, the "goody goody", etc. All these things are pretty accurate but when you label someone, you are defining them to one thing. If I have to be labeled something, I want to label myself. I don't want to be the fiance or the receptionist. I want to be the girl who is in love with her God. I want to be the girl who never stops showing God's mercy and love. I want to give grace as freely as it has been given to me. I don't just want to be labeled a Christian. I want to be the splitting image of my Father. So if you are going to define me in one way, define me as the girl who is in love with her maker.

And Thursday has been a little rough...

Dear BINGO BINGO, Thursday has been kinda rough to me but you have the opportunity to make it better. Just sayin'. Dear Daniel, you showed me true love this morning when you fed me my sausage biscuit because I was too tired (lazy) to pick it up and put it to my mouth. Thank you for loving me through my exhaustion and emotional times. Dear professor, you hold us over by at least 10 minutes every class. Don't expect me to stay late if you show up 20 minutes late to class. You're a joke. Oh, also I think you were lying when you said your son knew what the word masticate meant going into kindergarten. Dear Lord, day after day my insecurities take over my thoughts and day after day I lose sight of your importance. Quiet these insecurities and allow me to be confident in our relationship. Remind me when I feel all alone that you are holding me. And give me your heart for the lost and broken.

And its 9/13/10...

I try so hard to be very transparent in this blog. I try and explain my struggles and my triumphs, but right now I have nothing to say. I know what I am struggling with and I know that I would like to be honest with you (assuming someone is reading this) but I have nothing coming to words.

Dear Lord, give me a confident hope in you. Allow me to feel your presence and see you at work in my life. Quiet the devils whispers and hold me a while.

But I look forward...

Wow, this week was busy and my weekend is only going to be more crazy. (This weekend will be filled with things I want to do rather than school, though, so it trumps this week by far.)

My roommates and I are reading "Facing Your Giants" by Max Lucado. I am very excited about this. I read the first chapter and loved it. I am ready to talk to the girls about it and dig further in. I think there is a lot I can learn from this book.

Dear professor, you are mean. You are just flat out a big bully. You point people out in class and announce to the entire room how dumb they are and I do not like it. This is not making you look any better. And as for pointing out to the entire class how big the rock on my finger is, I was embarrassed and did not like the attention. If you could just teach and stop picking on people maybe you would finish on time and not make us go over by 10 minutes, resulting in me being late to work. Dear weekend, you are going to be so much fun. Engagement party, football game, WIL group leader retreat! Wooo I almost can't hold in my excitement. Dearest Daniel, I love you more than ever. Thanks for taking care of me. Dear Jesus, I am ready to be like David. I am ready to give you my battles so you can concur my Goliath's. I am ready to be centered on you. Dear Pride, you have got to go. Dear Ego, get yourself in check. Dear roomies, thanks for helping me with this party and the wedding and everything. Thanks for being interested. Thanks for caring. Thanks for being so awesome. I love you more than smore poptarts on a thursday night on boochy. (And I am sure you know how BIG that is)

But bring me peace...

Dear Lord, My prayer right now is that I really find peace in John 16:33. There are a lot of things I am struggling with right now and I am finding it hard to simply be at peace. Calm my heart and my thoughts and give me a sense of serenity. Dear woman at work, I know you are excited about getting a new car but you are talking very loud. This room echos and your voice is about to give me an anxiety attack. So if you could just use your inside voice I would really appreciate. Dear fiance, I love you. Were down to like 269 days and were about to have our engagement party. This is unreal. I am so excited for the rest of our lives. Dear Big Brother, I cannot wait to watch you tonight. To say I love you would be an understatement. Dear rain, I really love you and our grass really needs you. What would make you really awesome is if you would stop coming down harder every time I leave a building. Dear roomies, I look forward to our Sunday night time bible study time. I cant wait to grow with you both. Love you ladies a lot. Dear new head band (seen in picture above), I really like you a lot. Thanks for giving my head a little bit of bedazzle tonight!

But its nothing special...

Dear Sprinkles cupcakes, I want you real bad right now, especially you Mr. chocolate and marshmallow cupcake. Dear sweet savior, I need discernment. I would love to know where you want me in the future. If you want to give me a shout out on that, it'd be real cool. Dear tuesday, wednesday, and thursday, if you could fly on by and get to friday when I have no class and just get to sit around. That'd be THE bomb. Dear smore pop-tart, you are so tasty in my mouth. I think I will eat your little friend too. Dear chapter I need to read by tomorrow at 8, I would really appreciate it if you could read yourself and let me know whats up so I can watch the bachelor pad. K? Thx.

And nothing is impossible for you...

Dear caring fiance, you have such a big heart. Thank you for reassuring me of my importance and the love you have for me. Dear self, try and not forget your song while you're in the desert. You have a faithful God, so trust Him. Dear Hosanna, give me the patience and peace to wait on you and when you're ready show me the plans you have for me.

♪ but you put food in my body

fill water in my dried bed

and to my blackened branches

You brought the springtime

Green of new life

And nothing is impossible for you ♪

And its another day...

Dear gracious father, I am desperately searching for where you want me. I need your help because I cant figure it out on my own. Dear hypothetically Daniel's yard, If I were to hypothetically have forked you then my wrist would hypothetically be hurting right now because you are very hard dirt. You need some water. Dear tomorrow, I really don't want to work so if you could go by fast I would love you forever. Dear Texas A&M football team, every year I get excited for opening day. Please do not let me down. Dear Mr. Morrow, hypothetically if you were the target of a prank I am sorry. BUT I love you and cannot wait to spend forever with you. Dear sleep, I hear you calling my name and I am answering!

But there will be a light...

Dear sweet Savior, my heart is hurting for the broken. The other day I was reminded that even though I live in this place called "the bible belt" some have never heard. Lord, show me the poor, the widow, the orphan, the broken, the lost and give me the courage to not be silent. Dear friend, I know you're hurting, for what it means I am praying for you daily. I am praying for your strength, courage and your beautiful heart. Dear biological father and mother, I know you are giving up a lot for me and my wedding. Your sacrifice means the world and is appreciated. Dear readers (if I have any), thank you for reading. It means a lot to me. Dear future hubby, you treat me like a princess. You treat me with respect. You treat me like I matter. Your love for me is very evident (to everyone). Thank you for loving me. Dear friday, thank you for not having any class. You are whats keeping me sane. Dear big 'ole rock on my finger, thank you for being so purrty and representing something so beautiful. Dear bad bad devil, I refuse to be complacent anymore. I refuse to let you win. I refuse to be silent. Bring. It. On.

And bring on the joys...

Dear friend with the middle name "Christ in a stable", when I left for work you were sleeping on our bed couch, mouth slightly open and all, if I was a man I would want to wake up to that every day. Thanks for being my bess frin. Dear self, good job reading 150 pages today. Just for that we will ignore the fact that you will have consumed 5 Dr.Peppers by the end of tonight. Dear future hubby, right now you are probably at the church getting ready for youth group. I adore your heart for the "almost-not-baby-but-still-supported-by-parent-generation". Your heart is B-I-G and I like it! Dear friend H. Polleson :), your unhealthy love for cardigans was apparently contagious cause I caught that fever. Also, today when we were hanging our key hook with the chub chub birds on the wall you told me I am very handy. That compliment made my day. thanky. thanky. Dear fiance, you still owe me 11 presents from our bet. I am thinking a puppy would do (see picture above).