But it's just my reminder...

This blog post is probably not important to any of you people reading it (assuming anyone actually reads this anymore). This is just a post to honestly pour into myself the things I need to be reminded of...


-For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11


-Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30


-The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14


- ♪ I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness. ♪


-You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7


-You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8


-Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31


Dear Self, You are loved. You are loved by the King of Kings. Even in times of complete solitude and loneliness your God is there. You are never alone. He has plans for you to prosper and everything He does works together for your good. Your purpose here has nothing to do with you but everything to do with Him. John 3:30 says it best... He must become greater and you must become less. 

But I fall to my knees...

‘May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace.’ Numbers 6:24-26

Today, I'd like to take time to mention some of the blessings in my life. 


Thursday morning my mom woke up and couldn't feel or mov the side of her face. She went to the hospital and they ran a lot of test. They think its something called Bell's Palsy. It has to do with the nerves and muscles in the side of your face being paralyzed or something. Nevertheless, she has been in the hospital ever since. My first instinct was obviously a scared time of questioning the Lord. I have seen this happen to a person before and recovery didn't begin to happen until a year later. But our job isn't to question the Lord. Our job is to fall to our knees in reverence and praise Him for He is the ultimate physician. Honestly, I wouldn't say this happening was a blessing, but blessings came from it. For example, a friend of mine, Caitlyn Holland, has been the most supportive person I know. I called her that night to tell her and her first reaction was can I ask people to pray for her. She has called and text me many times since just asking how things are going and how I am doing with this. I couldn't have asked for someone to care more. She is a blessing. 


More blessings the Lord has given me is someone to talk to about engagement stuff. I messaged my sweet married friend Melanie asking her tons of questions about the engagement process and how to handle it. Thankfully, she was honest and spoke so much truth into me. I have been praying for someone who truly understands to come into my life and the Lord was so gracious to give me that. Also, I have been getting dinner with a friend every Sunday. Bridget is so biblically intelligent and has been pouring wisdom into me. It has been nice to have those deep biblical conversations each week. 


Don't get me wrong the Lord has blessed me with many more things and people. It's just that these people stepped up at the right time, when I have been most vulnerable to the devil's lies, and for the truth they have spoken into me, I am grateful. 

And here are a few thoughts...

Let me preface this post by saying I am sick. I am at work but I can tell I am running a fever and I've got some sort of nose/ throat mess going on. With that being said, I apologize if this post is somewhat scatter brained or makes no sense. Here are just a few of my thoughts lately:

- At WIL group yesterday we sort of talked about how as christians we have lost our purpose. We go through our days with our busy schedule and we have goals like complete college, get good grades, be a good person. In all actuality our purpose here is to serve our God, bear fruit, and be a light to this broken world. Being a good person is a good thing that we should all strive for but that is not our purpose here. I just think it is so easy for us to lose sight of why we are here.

- Another thought is I am ready to be married. Yesterday night I really started to feel bad so Daniel came over and just scratched my back and read to me. It is really nice to have someone who I know will always care for me (and take care of me) when everyone is so busy. Daniel is such a servant (which makes me really excited to be able to serve him for the rest of my life).

- Also, it is totally not Christmas time yet. For all of you folks decorating and listening to christmas music you are forgetting a very important day. I know Christmas is exciting but you are jumping the gun. We still have to eat lots of food and watch a&m kick some UT butt. It's called Thanksgiving people.

But here are some blessings..

Its Thursday. Thursdays are rough for me because they are constantly busy. So today (during class) I decided to remind myself of some blessings from the Lord (aka cute puppies). So here are some of my favorites...

But today I will rejoice...

I've been re-reading through Job and it's been refreshing. It's been humbling thinking about all Job lost and reading his cry to the Lord. I am surrounded by a lot of people that I love but that hasn't silenced the insecurities of loneliness I have. There are just days when it seems like me against the world. But looking at Job and seeing how he lost all he had, makes my insecurities seem like a joke. His first instinct is to rip his shirt (aka grieve) fall to his knees and with tears in his eyes rejoice for the Lord is His Savior. My prayer is that in my times of suffering or loneliness my first instinct is to fall to my knees and praise my God for being my glorious savior. For my purpose in this world is to glorify my Lord, not to be glorified by this world.

"For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth." Job 19:25

But it's todays letters and today's needs...

Dear world, you are broken and it cannot be hidden. Dear Lord, continue to show me how much I need you. Give me your heart for this world. Dear BFWBBE (Bes Fran Wif Big Beautiful Eyes), I love you. I hope you know there are days when I find you absolutely beautiful and flawless (even in leggings). Im sorry my project from you know where got in the way of our laughter this week. Make up for it? Dear Daniel, Thank you for telling me when I am taking things out of proportion. Thank you for rejoicing with me when I succeed. Thank you for holding my hand while I cry to you with a broken heart. Thank you for being a Godly man ready to lead me. Dear Lord, all I need is you. Focus my heart and mind on living a life not of this world. Allow me to sell my worldly self, take up my cross, and follow you.

But no one warned me...

I always looked forward to being engaged. I mean I pretty much reminded Daniel that every day for like 4 months. It always seemed exciting and fun and I mean everyone loves a good wedding. Right?! I never thought much about how different people treat you once it happens. So many people want to know about it. They ask everything from "what flowers do you want" to "whats your colors" and of course "can I see the ring"... That is fun at first and don't get me wrong there are days when I love the attention but weddings are so much more than just colors and flowers and rings. No one has really asked the harder questions like "how do you feel about living with a boy" or "how do you feel about joining another family" or "are you nervous about trying to be the perfect wife". I feel like I have been engaged long enough to be over the exciting smaller details and now I am more into the oh my gosh Daniel and I need to learn how to communicate better stage. I know marriage is tough and I know Daniel and I will make it through but I am so scared about the times where I will fail him as a wife. I am so nervous about the first time I disappoint him, but no one really ever asks about those things. I didn't think about how me being engaged would affect my friends who are seriously dating someone or my friends who aren't dating anyone. I can't imagine how that makes them feel and they can't imagine how I feel. Don't get me wrong being engaged to Daniel is incredible and I enjoy the simpler conversations. I enjoy wedding decorating, I swear. That doesn't replace my need for deep conversations though. I do have fears and I do have worries. I know everything will never be perfect, that's kind of why I worry. Part of me can't wait to be his wife but part of me doesn't want to grow up. It's weird and it's something you won't understand until you are in this place, I guess. I don't know I guess my two biggest fears are that I will look back on this year and regret not taking advantage of the support of girls I have around me and that I will fail Daniel as a wife. Discovery of the week: being engaged is not all easy Barbie and Ken moments.

I know a lot of that was me just rambling on and I am sorry if you got nothing out of it. I think I just needed to admit these fears, issues and concerns out loud (aka on computer). Thx for listening.

But every morning sunrise says...

Maybe I have shared these lyrics before, maybe not (I can't remember). I know I need to hear them again so maybe you do too.

Matthew 11:28-30 ²⁸"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ³⁰For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

See you down there everyday
Trying to find a different way
To build some kind of latter to the sky
Trying to find some way to see
Secrets of eternity, and they don’t come all at once
And you don’t know why
Well how do you think it feels to hear you screaming out my name
While all the while I’m trying to open up your heart
See you when you cry yourself to sleep
It’s tearing me apart

I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
don’t you lose your faith in me
I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you

I know that you’re waiting for,
A chance to come in from the war
If only a moment, if only a day
A place where you feel safe and warm
A sanctuary from the storm
Until all of these questions fade away
But I cannot count on all the signs
You’ve passed away as mere coincidence
And im running out of ways to break through
Like a lonely lover, Waiting by the ocean
Ill never give up on you

I know you wish you could see me
That’s the way it has to be
Someday you’ll understand,
Don’t you lose your faith in me
I know you wish you could hear me
Sometimes it’s so hard to do
But every morning sunrise it says
I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you
Yes I’m madly in love with you

Madly in love with you by Sean McConnell

And you warm my heart...

These are a few things that make me smile just thinking about them.

And I choose to live...

This is the sneak peak Ryan sent us. We absolutely love it and can't wait to see the rest of our engagement pictures.

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

-Dawna Markova

And He set me apart...

I know what I want for Christmas/ 1/2 birthday....

I WANT TO BE SPECIAL!

(Special - adjective: being a particular one)

But come home it's not too late...

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

But he loves us...

I had some beautiful time this morning just being reminded of how much my God loves me. I watched a link on the inspiration behind How He Loves by John Mark McMillan and I instantly felt God's love pour over me. In his video John talks about how the love he's singing about isn't a pretty clean love but it's a love thats willing to love things that are messy and difficult. It's a love thats not afraid of the gross disgusting things like myself. My last blog talked about my tar-filled heart and so this song just really speaks to me. Our God is willing to love someone as dirty and filthy, as messed up and broken as me. That is a love worth singing about.

I challenge you to remind yourself how much our God loves you today. Watch the sunset, write down all your blessings, do whatever you have to but allow the Lord to swoon you today.

If you want to know the story behind this song here is the link I watched.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NXWE6AC8ao&feature=related

But He longs for me...

This weekend was ASC retreat and I really enjoyed it. The speaker spoke about how we are all sinners and what that looks like. She made a comment that so often we think of sin as adultery or lying or murder (which they are) but we forget about the inward stuff. Sin can also be an attitude of the heart, some examples include: jealousy, bitterness, anxiety, fear, depression, pride. This kind of hit hard for me. I can think of an instance I have fallen to every single one of these within the past week alone. I think if someone says that these aren't something they struggle with they aren't exactly being honest with themselves. Lets be real with ourselves, we are dirty and filthy and filled with sin. I heard it described once as if we were to think of all of our mistakes and sin and imagine what our hearts would look like. I know mine would probably look like it had been set on fire and then covered with tar. I am a pretty broken person. I have a lot of sin and mistakes that I don't want people to know about. The truth is the one person that matters knows it all. God knows every single sin I have made. He knows what my heart looks like.

The best part about this lesson comes when we realize that even though God knows what our hearts look like (tar filled and all) He still loves and wants us. He longs for us and desires to have a relationship with us.

This goes along with the title of this blog. I mentioned it before but it is a line from the song "Wedding Dress" by Derek Webb. It says, "I am a whore I do confess, I put you on like a wedding dress and I run down the aisle to you." So many times we run from God and when we decide to go back He is always there waiting for us with open arms. Why is it that we give ourselves to so many other things than come back to our Savior? We put Him on like a wedding dress and become white as snow again. We treat the creator of the world like crap and yet He still loves us the same. We have the opportunity to have a beautiful love story. My challenge for you (and myself especially) is to pursue the Lord and find joy in your romantic comedy with the Lord.

But it's only for a moment...

"For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." Psalm 30:5