And 2 posts in 1 day...

I know I know 2 posts in 1 day. Crazy. But I just had to add something because he deserves it.

Daniel, 67 days until we become one. 67 days until I get to share my life with you. 67 days until I become your wife. I am so thankful for the person you are. Thank you for loving me when I fail. Thank you for celebrating when I succeed. Thank you for seeing growth in me. Thank you for seeing past my walls I have put up and seeing directly into my heart. You know me. You get me. You love me. That almost seems like a miracle to me. You are one of the most godly men I know. You never cease to amaze me. I really can't explain how much you mean to me. But I am excited to try to show you every day for the rest of my life. You deserve the world my dear. You have changed my life. -Jodi

And is that me?

I met up with an old friend the other day and I made a comment about how I feel like I have changed a lot over the past year. She asked how... This leads me to todays post.

I HAVE changed over the past year. I think my biggest improvement is not pretending I have it all together. Last year I always put on this mask like I didn't have problems or wasn't struggling with anything. Instead of seeing my failures and mistakes as something to hide I accept them and try to improve. I know I am not perfect and I know I have things to work on but I am glad I am at a place where I can admit that. My goal is next year when I look back I see more improvement. I would love to not be so insecure about myself. Looking out how much I have changed in the past year I think it is possible.

I am excited the Lord is changing me. I am thankful he is molding me. And I am grateful he is making me in his image. Trials suck but at least they are making me into a better person.

And again with the humbling...

I had a bridal shower yesterday. It was so much fun. We ate, played a game, opened presents, mingled. The presents and games were a blast but the most memorable part of it was at the end when we were praying and different people prayed out loud for Daniel and I.  As tears came to my eyes, I realized how completely blessed I was in that moment. I am completely humbled by how many people are invested in this marriage. I am just so honored that people would take time out of their busy days to pray for us or ask how things are going or come to a shower. I just can't explain how honored and blessed I feel right now.

But I stand waiting with a confident hope...

Let me start this off by saying, I am falling more and more in love with my sweet savior every day. A while ago, not knowing what I was getting myself into, I asked the Lord to mold me to be more like him and to make me into the God fearing wife I should be. Oh how powerful prayer is (can I get an amen)!

Jesus has turned my life upside down. He is putting me into places I do not want to be. He is forcing me to make decisions I do not want to make. He is showing me who I really am. And He is humbling me more than ever. But with these difficult times, comes this confident hope. Yes, He is forcing me to depend on Him. Yes, He is forcing me to give up the things I desire most. Yes, He is forcing me to see my imperfections. But whats beautiful is what comes from those things. He forces me to depend on Him to show me He loves me (unconditionally). He forces me to give up the things I desire most, to show me He is in control and will provide for me. He forces me to see the ugly side of me, so I can learn to be more like Him.

Dear Jodi (self), lean not on your own understanding (Prov 3:5) but trust that the Lord will give you the desires of your heart (Psalms 37:4). Allow the Lord to work through you because if you try to do it alone you will fail (Ecc 2:11). Rejoice in the victory because he partook in your suffering (1Peter 1:6-9) You are wanted, you are adored, and you are loved. (John 15:9)

And I want to be a cute housewife...

I am trying to prepare to decorate my HOUSE and here are some things I would like to see in my home. I know I don't exactly have the $ (dolla bills) to pay for this yet but this is just something fun to look forward to. Okay...

Top left picture: I love the industrial feel of this kitchen but I love this HUGE antique clock even more.
Top middle: I like these precious little cubby shelves for nick-nacks and what nots. It would look really cute in a living room.
Top right: Again with the awesome industrial stuff. How cool is this tv stand/ locker combo?! Great for storage.
Bottom right: Bedside table out of old luggage bags. Creative and AWESOME.
Bottom middle: I love this warm cottage antique glassware case.
Bottom left: I just love this room in general. It is so warm and 'homey' feeling. Love the flowers everywhere gives it a nice spring feeling.

SO YEA HERES TO MY FUTURE HOME.

And it is spring break...

It is spring break. YAY! Even though, no one is in town, and I haven't traveled the U.S. or done anything out of the ordinary, my spring break has been satisfying. So far I have...

started reading this book. It is incredible and I haven't wanted to put it down.

gone shopping and purchased these bad boys (measuring cups) along with some new clothes.

gotten a DEEP TISSUE massage. Though this picture makes you think relaxing, my massage was the opposite. My woman masseuse must have turned into a man when I put my head down because it felt like I had a linebacker rubbing my back. Good news is even though I left in pain I am very sure she got out all the knots. Bad news is I think I need another massage to get rid of the pain of the last one.

Other than that I have worked and gotten some R&R. It has been nice. 

And it is promised...

"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands." 2 Corinthians 5:1

But He is jealous for me...

So, my first wedding shower was pretty awesome. It was humbling seeing everyone who cared so much for our future. I can't explain what a blessing it was to have people come up to me and tell me they were praying for us and our future. Wow, I was thrown off guard to hear that. What an incredible blessing it was to hear that people care enough to pray for us! As for presents, we received so much including a microwave, convection oven, towels, 2 quesadilla makers, and a NINJA BLENDER. That is right ladies and gentlemen... a NINJA BLENDER! This is the blender of blenders. With 3 blades (one on the bottom, one in the middle, and one towards the top) it puts all other blenders to shame.

This leads me to how I am feeling... Well, I have almost felt sort of second rate lately. I will use Daniel as an example. There have been times when we have watched basketball and I will say something to him and he gives me a short "yea" comment. I know he would rather be watching the game than talking to me (duh, he is a boy). That is what I mean though. In that instance I was second rate because basketball came before whatever comment I was making.  Well, I feel like this has happened a lot recently. In Daniels defense, he isn't the only one. But, (here is where I tie in Jesus) this morning, at church, we sang 'How He Loves'. It starts off saying, "He is jealous for me". This hit so deep. My Jesus is jealous for me. My Jesus wants my time. My Jesus thinks of  me as first rate. My Jesus wants me. My Jesus considers me the NINJA BLENDER of all blenders. So this is me praising my Jesus for wanting me. 

And it's my story...

Lately my life has been disappointment after disappointment....
This weekend is my first wedding shower. This is huge. Its like reality hits. I am getting married soon. Needless to say I hope it doesn't follow the trend of my life currently. I'll update you afterwords. (Not that I think anyone actually cares about a stupid shower) But I will update anyway because this is how my story goes.

But it's romantic courage...

I have been inspire by the vulnerability of the people around me. And I have more than anyone needed to be reminded that it is ok to be broken. It is in God that we are made complete! This is something that kind of just came to me... I don't really want to share it but like I said I am encouraged by the Truth that comes when we are most raw.  So here is a little poem thingy I wrote called "Romantic Courage":

I don't want my life to be a contradiction,

But may the results of my love be a depiction.

Let it depict, let it convict, and Lord let it afflict the lost.

Though my faith is small, help me stand tall,

To conquer this world for your glory.

Can you give me the courage to be me?

Who am I but a broken child?

Who am I but a freedom fighter running wild?

Where do you want me? Where do you need me? Oh Lord, won't you show me?

You mold me and you change me.

Lord, I don't know who you want me to be.

Won't you give me the courage to be me?

This time of confusion will be followed by a time of peace.

This struggle can only produce a faith increase.

Help me shine. Help me grow, but most of all let it show.

Will you call me in and whisper so sweet?

Fill me with the reassurance of your story,

And give me the courage to be me.