But it's just my reminder...

This blog post is probably not important to any of you people reading it (assuming anyone actually reads this anymore). This is just a post to honestly pour into myself the things I need to be reminded of...


-For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11


-Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Proverbs 31:30


-The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14


- ♪ I know that You are for me. I know that You are for me. I know that You will never forsake me in my weakness. ♪


-You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7


-You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8


-Have you never heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary. No one can measure the depths of his understanding. He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:28-31


Dear Self, You are loved. You are loved by the King of Kings. Even in times of complete solitude and loneliness your God is there. You are never alone. He has plans for you to prosper and everything He does works together for your good. Your purpose here has nothing to do with you but everything to do with Him. John 3:30 says it best... He must become greater and you must become less. 

But I fall to my knees...

‘May the Lord bless you and protect you. May the Lord smile on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord show you his favor and give you his peace.’ Numbers 6:24-26

Today, I'd like to take time to mention some of the blessings in my life. 


Thursday morning my mom woke up and couldn't feel or mov the side of her face. She went to the hospital and they ran a lot of test. They think its something called Bell's Palsy. It has to do with the nerves and muscles in the side of your face being paralyzed or something. Nevertheless, she has been in the hospital ever since. My first instinct was obviously a scared time of questioning the Lord. I have seen this happen to a person before and recovery didn't begin to happen until a year later. But our job isn't to question the Lord. Our job is to fall to our knees in reverence and praise Him for He is the ultimate physician. Honestly, I wouldn't say this happening was a blessing, but blessings came from it. For example, a friend of mine, Caitlyn Holland, has been the most supportive person I know. I called her that night to tell her and her first reaction was can I ask people to pray for her. She has called and text me many times since just asking how things are going and how I am doing with this. I couldn't have asked for someone to care more. She is a blessing. 


More blessings the Lord has given me is someone to talk to about engagement stuff. I messaged my sweet married friend Melanie asking her tons of questions about the engagement process and how to handle it. Thankfully, she was honest and spoke so much truth into me. I have been praying for someone who truly understands to come into my life and the Lord was so gracious to give me that. Also, I have been getting dinner with a friend every Sunday. Bridget is so biblically intelligent and has been pouring wisdom into me. It has been nice to have those deep biblical conversations each week. 


Don't get me wrong the Lord has blessed me with many more things and people. It's just that these people stepped up at the right time, when I have been most vulnerable to the devil's lies, and for the truth they have spoken into me, I am grateful. 

And here are a few thoughts...

Let me preface this post by saying I am sick. I am at work but I can tell I am running a fever and I've got some sort of nose/ throat mess going on. With that being said, I apologize if this post is somewhat scatter brained or makes no sense. Here are just a few of my thoughts lately:

- At WIL group yesterday we sort of talked about how as christians we have lost our purpose. We go through our days with our busy schedule and we have goals like complete college, get good grades, be a good person. In all actuality our purpose here is to serve our God, bear fruit, and be a light to this broken world. Being a good person is a good thing that we should all strive for but that is not our purpose here. I just think it is so easy for us to lose sight of why we are here.

- Another thought is I am ready to be married. Yesterday night I really started to feel bad so Daniel came over and just scratched my back and read to me. It is really nice to have someone who I know will always care for me (and take care of me) when everyone is so busy. Daniel is such a servant (which makes me really excited to be able to serve him for the rest of my life).

- Also, it is totally not Christmas time yet. For all of you folks decorating and listening to christmas music you are forgetting a very important day. I know Christmas is exciting but you are jumping the gun. We still have to eat lots of food and watch a&m kick some UT butt. It's called Thanksgiving people.

But here are some blessings..

Its Thursday. Thursdays are rough for me because they are constantly busy. So today (during class) I decided to remind myself of some blessings from the Lord (aka cute puppies). So here are some of my favorites...

But today I will rejoice...

I've been re-reading through Job and it's been refreshing. It's been humbling thinking about all Job lost and reading his cry to the Lord. I am surrounded by a lot of people that I love but that hasn't silenced the insecurities of loneliness I have. There are just days when it seems like me against the world. But looking at Job and seeing how he lost all he had, makes my insecurities seem like a joke. His first instinct is to rip his shirt (aka grieve) fall to his knees and with tears in his eyes rejoice for the Lord is His Savior. My prayer is that in my times of suffering or loneliness my first instinct is to fall to my knees and praise my God for being my glorious savior. For my purpose in this world is to glorify my Lord, not to be glorified by this world.

"For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth." Job 19:25

But it's todays letters and today's needs...

Dear world, you are broken and it cannot be hidden. Dear Lord, continue to show me how much I need you. Give me your heart for this world. Dear BFWBBE (Bes Fran Wif Big Beautiful Eyes), I love you. I hope you know there are days when I find you absolutely beautiful and flawless (even in leggings). Im sorry my project from you know where got in the way of our laughter this week. Make up for it? Dear Daniel, Thank you for telling me when I am taking things out of proportion. Thank you for rejoicing with me when I succeed. Thank you for holding my hand while I cry to you with a broken heart. Thank you for being a Godly man ready to lead me. Dear Lord, all I need is you. Focus my heart and mind on living a life not of this world. Allow me to sell my worldly self, take up my cross, and follow you.

But no one warned me...

I always looked forward to being engaged. I mean I pretty much reminded Daniel that every day for like 4 months. It always seemed exciting and fun and I mean everyone loves a good wedding. Right?! I never thought much about how different people treat you once it happens. So many people want to know about it. They ask everything from "what flowers do you want" to "whats your colors" and of course "can I see the ring"... That is fun at first and don't get me wrong there are days when I love the attention but weddings are so much more than just colors and flowers and rings. No one has really asked the harder questions like "how do you feel about living with a boy" or "how do you feel about joining another family" or "are you nervous about trying to be the perfect wife". I feel like I have been engaged long enough to be over the exciting smaller details and now I am more into the oh my gosh Daniel and I need to learn how to communicate better stage. I know marriage is tough and I know Daniel and I will make it through but I am so scared about the times where I will fail him as a wife. I am so nervous about the first time I disappoint him, but no one really ever asks about those things. I didn't think about how me being engaged would affect my friends who are seriously dating someone or my friends who aren't dating anyone. I can't imagine how that makes them feel and they can't imagine how I feel. Don't get me wrong being engaged to Daniel is incredible and I enjoy the simpler conversations. I enjoy wedding decorating, I swear. That doesn't replace my need for deep conversations though. I do have fears and I do have worries. I know everything will never be perfect, that's kind of why I worry. Part of me can't wait to be his wife but part of me doesn't want to grow up. It's weird and it's something you won't understand until you are in this place, I guess. I don't know I guess my two biggest fears are that I will look back on this year and regret not taking advantage of the support of girls I have around me and that I will fail Daniel as a wife. Discovery of the week: being engaged is not all easy Barbie and Ken moments.

I know a lot of that was me just rambling on and I am sorry if you got nothing out of it. I think I just needed to admit these fears, issues and concerns out loud (aka on computer). Thx for listening.