And I adore you...

But we run...

I had an incredible night last night. My best friend had the brilliant idea to go around scaring friends with these frightening masks. Our night was such a success. It did make me think though, when were scared our first reaction is to jump back, run or hide. You may think this is a stretch but that is totally what we do in real life too. We have a plan.. we expect everything to go our way, the least thing we expect is something to catch us off guard, after all we don't have the scary theme music in real life. The minute our plan has a minor bump or looks like it isn't going to work we run... we run fast. We make drastic decisions to do whatever we can to either fix our plan or make a new plan. There is typically little trust in the fact that God will work things out his way. I don't really know why I do it, I hate running. HATE it..but it never fails I continue to run.. and he continues to whisper "ye of little faith".

And we fight the bad fight.....

Today was difficult to say the least. Everywhere I went, though surrounded by people and friends, I felt completely alone. It felt like people looked right past me. It felt like no one really cared. I know these are thoughts I have to fight and some days are just a battle but some days feel like its a war. Today was a war; a war that I felt like I was fighting all alone. Maybe tomorrow I will see today I was victorious. Maybe.

And we love...

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where,
I love you simply, without problems or pride:
I love you in this way
because I don't know any other way of loving
but this, in which there is no I nor you,
so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand,
so intimate that when I fall asleep

it is your eyes that close.

Sonnet 17
by Pablo Neruda

Let us not run away...

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, and live along some distant day into the answer. ~Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

My anyways friend...

Tonight on Private Practice (yes for some lame reason I watch it), Sam talked about being an "anyways friend". He defined this as someone who knows everything about you but loves you anyways. I am privileged to have great people in my life. Daniel is my "anyways friend". He knows me, he knows my faults, he knows my heart and loves me the same. I am so lucky to have someone who shows me unconditional love. Daniel is incredible I couldn't have a better man in my life. Then there's Hallie, who is my anyways friend (friend not lover haha). As my best friend she knows my downfalls. And yet she also loves me the same. Plain and simple, I am so blessed to have great "Anyways friends".

And we fear...

"It is when we all play safe that we create a world of utmost insecurity." -Dag Hammarskjold

Brighter days ahead..

You gotta Swim
Swim for your life
Swim for the music
That saves you
When you're not so sure you'll survive
You gotta swim
Swim when it hurts
The whole world is watching
You haven't come this far
To fall off the earth
The currents will pull you
Away from your love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open yeah
I swim to brighter days
Despite the absence of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
For nights that wont end
Swim for your families
Your lovers your sisters
And brothers your friends
Yeah you gotta swim
For wars without cause
Swim for the lost politicians
Who don't see their greed is a flaw
The currents will pull us
Away from our love
Just keep your head above

I found a tidal wave
Begging to tear down the door
Memories like bullets
They fired at me from a gun
Cracking me open now
I swim to brighter days
Despite of the absense of sun
Choking on salt water
I'm not giving in
I'm not giving in
I swim

You gotta swim
Swim in the dark
There's an ocean to drift in
Feel the tide shifting away from the spark
Yeah you gotta swim
Don't let yourself sink
Just follow the horizon
I promise you it's not as far as you think
The currents will drag us away from our love
Just keep your head above
Just keep your head above
Swim
Just keep your head above
Swim, swim
Just keep your head above
Swim

Swim by Jack's Mannequin

Adult hide and seek...

Hide and seek as a child was possibly the best game ever (next to red rover but they don't let you play that game anymore because its "not safe"). The hide and seek game we play as adults isn't so much fun. I know what you're thinking, when do we play hide and seek? Well I am here to tell you daily. We hide who we really are. We try and hide our flaws, we try and hide our feelings because heaven forbid someone try and seek. We keep ourselves busy, we put on make up, or if you're anything like me you wear tutu's in order to hide how you really feel. My point is that this game of hide and seek we play is valiant and sometimes were successful. Sometimes, we do all this to find that no one is seeking but we take comfort in knowing were successful at at least one thing in life and that's hiding. At what point do we get tired of hiding and decide to be the seeker? When do we stop disguising our imperfections come down from our tree of comfort and begin to seek the hearts of the ones we love?

The LOVE seeping from me...

Valentine's Day has come and gone . It was such a good day. I hung out with my best friend. My boy friend made me dinner and sang me a song. It was a great date until my nose began to bleed. Dear nose, way to be lame. I began thinking as I was shoving toilet paper up my nose. I guess this goes to show that LOVE is just seeping from my inner core.
Overall, successful Valentine's Day.

Saving V-Day one year at a time...

Valentine's Day is tomorrow. This is typically my second favorite day of the year only to follow my birthday. Yep, I am that girl. The girl who defends the "hallmark holiday". This year its been different but with the help of my wonderful roommates my spirit is coming back.

Earlier today my roommate, Marissa, ran around the house yelling we have to save "V-Day Jodi Help me save it!" Tonight, we all sat around making cards for each other (and Dan). What great friends. I know I have said this before but I have the best friends.
Hallie and Marissa, will you be mine?

Saver of Valentine's Day: Marissa Lang.

The pain...

...You begin to realize how great it is the second you start feeling the pain.
Ya know, when your stomach tightens and your abs begin to hurt. It's about the same time you can barely breathe and you begin to cry uncontrollably. You realize if you don't stop laughing you might just die right there on the kitchen floor. And that is when you realize.... that you have the best friends. The friends that can make you run to the bathroom because you're scared you just might pee in your pants. Well, I have the best friends.

p.s. I already love blogging. I enjoy being able to share my thoughts and experiences. Its a great escape.

The urban dictionary definition of cool....

9. marissa
a really hot chick that has mad makeout skills, but doesn't put out for just anyone...isn't easy. if a marissa likes you, totally go make out with her. she'll rock your world. hot body, cute/hot face. even if she has braces or glasses, she's still damn fine.every guy wants her. super funny and likes guy jokes.
3. andy

the one who is awesome. the supreme ruler of all that is good and right.

This gives me hope...

From: givesmehope.com
A few days ago, I saw graffiti in our school bathroom. Etched into one of the doors was "Does love exist?" The rest of the door was covered in answers. Every single one said "Yes". I never thought that vandalism could GMH.

From: love.givesmehope.com
When my sister was younger she came home from school one day and demanded I take her to the library so she could get books on sign language. I asked why? She told me there was a new kid at school who was deaf and she wanted to befriend him. Today I stood beside her at their wedding watching her sign "I DO". GMH

And so we begin our journey...

I am new to this blog thing, so it might not always be interesting or exciting and I can not promise I will always be politically correct or will never offend you. But I can promise that I will be true to me. So let the wild rumpus begin!

If you could love me as a wife
And for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I’d ever need?
Or is there more I’m looking for

And should I read between the lines
And look for blessings in disguise
To make me handsome, rich, and wise
Is that really what you want?

‘Cause I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
And I run down the aisle, I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
But I put you on just like a ring of gold
And I run down the aisle
I run down the aisle to you

So could you love this bastard child?
Though I don’t trust you to provide
With one hand in a pot of gold
And with the other in your side
‘Cause I am so easily satisfied
By the call of lovers so less wild
That I would take a little cash
Over your very flesh and blood

‘Cause I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
And I run down the aisle, I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
But I put you on just like a ring of gold
And I run down the aisle
I run down the aisle to you

Because money cannot buy
A husband’s jealous eye
When you have knowingly deceived his wife

‘Cause I am a whore I do confess
But I put you on just like a wedding dress
And I run down the aisle, I run down the aisle
I’m a prodigal with no way home
But I put you on just like a ring of gold
And I run down the aisle
I run down the aisle to you

Wedding Dress: Derek Webb