But my mission...

Something I have been thinking about a little lately is the question, "What am I bringing to others that shows them Jesus?"

Lecrae tweeted the other day, "When you compromise your Christian distinction, you compromise your mission." This hit home for me. It is easy for me to think this life is about being happy, living to the fullest, having fun, enjoying every moment. Those things are nice and great but that is not my mission here. We aren't called to "Go, be unique, and enjoy your life" (read in Jesus voice). We are called to "Go and make disciples". When I interact with people in my classes, or at work, or in a grocery store, if I am not giving them a glimmer of Jesus what am I doing here?!

But what stems from that is knowing that what allows us to give people a little piece of Jesus is all dependent on if we have a relationship with Him. Note: I did not say if we are saved, I said if we have a relationship with God. I heard a friend speak the other day and she said, "Discipline does not create a relationship, but the relationship will create discipline." I love that. It is not about me checking off a list of things that draws me to God but it is cultivating a relationship with Christ to a point where the things that I should be doing are natural.


Lord, may I be so wrapped up in our relationship that everything that comes out of me glorifies you.

And here is an update...

Updates-

School: I've been at Anderson elementary for 4 weeks now and I think the jury is still out. They have the classes set up on a rotation system and so the classes rotate between 3 teachers throughout the day. I am there for full rotation and a half. I love being in the classroom and I love working with the students. 4th grade is the difficult part for me. They are still so hyper and a lot of times immature. I just can't help but wishing I was in a 7th grade classroom. I am grateful for the experience though. I am learning so much. As for my education classes... I am a little over group projects.

Church: During the summer Daniel and I struggled a lot with not feeling plugged in with the church. Luckily, things have changed, We joined the young&married small group and I joined an all women's sunday school. The sunday school class is really fun for me. I love that its me, bridget, and all of these women who are married to leaders and ministers in the church. I am trying to drain out every ounce of wisdom from them I can.

Marriage: I don't think I can say enough about how much I love being married. I could go on and on about how great Daniel has been. Yesterday Daniel had the day off and so we got to spend all day together cleaning and running errands. It was probably the best day I have had in a month or so. I am so blessed by him.

And here we go...

I got my field placement for this semester. I was initially told I would be working in a 7th grade english class in Navasota. At which point I began to sing hallelujah. 7th grade english is what I want! And then I received another email saying they had to change me to 4th grade english. I know I don't know everything but this has to be one of those moments when I have to question what is it that God sees in me that makes him think I can do this? Children frighten me. I need them to be indepent. I need them to be able to come up with their own ideas. I know I know God equips the called but man right now I feel like he has a lot of equipping to do. I guess it is a waiting game now. All I can say is prayers are welcome and I guess I will update you soon.

And so it begins...

This past weekend could not have been better to end my summer. I got to spend the weekend with my parents, Stuart, Mary Lou, and my sweet hubby. I am beginning to realize just how blessed I am. Love them so much.

AND I got to have lunch with Kailee and Maddie. I miss my friends! It was so nice to get to catch up with them. I am a lucky girl!

And let it go...

I had the pleasure of going to a youth rally this weekend where Daniel was playing music and my Uncle Mark was speaking. Insert husband and uncle photo here:

Anyway, Uncle Mark opened up with a prayer challenging us to let go of whatever we were holding on to and let God take control of our lives. I can't tell you how many times I have heard this but for some reason I HEARD it this time. I instantly started thinking about how I have been holding on to what I expected my life to look like right now. I am going to be honest I am slightly embarrassed and more than slightly frustrated with how long it will take me to graduate college. It is an insecurity of mine. The devil is telling me I am stupid and I am hearing him loud and clear. But yesterday I heard God a little louder as He whispered words of affirmation to me. Yes, it is going to take me a year and a half more to get my diploma, but who am I to say this plan the Lord has set for my life is not perfect in every way. I don't have an awesome internship. I didn't graduate on time. I don't have it all together but I DO have a God who has a perfect story set up for me. And in comes the scripture and Truth to back it up... Proverbs 3:5&6 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight'. Amen

But it is time for some letters...

Dear Daniel, I know I complain a lot about wishing we had more time together. It hasn't been easy for me. But I am so grateful you put aside your desires and do everything you can to provide for us. You are one of the most loving men I know. I treasure the time we do have together. Dear Jesus, I admit I haven't been spending the amount of time with you that you deserve. I also admit that I need you. Calm my fears and help me not waste my time worrying about things to come. Help me learn to feel loved in new ways and help me express my love more. Dear Caitlin, I am SO proud of you. You are putting your fears aside and jumping  in to this new world. You are going to be such an incredible teacher (and coach). Can't wait to cheer you on next week! Dear Self, 1 John 4:18

And marriage is...

I read something online today called The Art of Marriage:

"A good marriage must be created... In marriage, the little things are the big things... It is never being too old to hold hands...It is remembering to say 'I Love You' at the end of each day... It is never going to bed angry... It is speaking words of appreciation and demonstrating gratitude in thoughtful ways... It is having the capacity to forgive and forget... It is giving each other a safe place to grow... It is not only marrying the right person, It is being the right partner. "

As this marriage continues on, I see more and more of my selfishness and more and more of his selflessness. I am so thankful for Daniel and his willingness to be patient with me as I become the partner he deserves.

And you are making me new..

Overall, I had a really good weekend. Friday, after work, Daniel and I went and ate with the Vitek's and Chris. It was just a relaxed time of celebrating Andy's job. Saturday I worked 8 to 5. As soon as I got off Daniel and I got dressed and went out to the Kornegay's where we helped surprise Christine Hoover for her 20th Anniversary vow renewing ceremony. Chris had planned it all out so she had no idea but it was a fun time of dancing and celebrating a beautiful marriage. I felt so honored and blessed being there  and sharing in that special time with them. I hope Daniel and I are that happy in 20 years! Sunday we woke up and went to church and then I had lunch with Caitlin, Randi, and Ryan. I loved getting to catch up with them. Later that evening Daniel and I went to dinner with Alex and Andy before they left to go back to Houston.

I know all of that sounds boring and my point isn't to put you to sleep but to point out the fact that my weekend was filled with so much community.

It has been a little shocking for me (I think Daniel too) to see how fast our community dissolved after marriage. On one end we gained each other (thank the dear Lord) and so its constant community together, but on the other hand the people that we were closest to pretty much all moved off or are busy with their lives. It has been a big adjustment for me to go from being surrounded with sweet (girl) friends almost every evening of the week to seeing them once a month (if that).

Don't get me wrong I absolutely LOVE being married. Daniel is my very best friend and I love having him around. It is an adjustment though. Were looking for community together, but it is difficult during the summer time in this town. Who am I kidding? It is going to be difficult even while school will be in session. It is just something I am praying for because it is something I value so deeply. I guess I just felt like I needed to be honest.

And let the crafting begin...

I found a lot of inspiration to craft from pinterest. (If you don't know what it is google it) And if you want to join facebook me your email and Ill send you an invite. Anyways, I decided it was time to get the craft supplies out again. So this is my newest craft (thats finished at least)...

It is a picture frame with a cork-board in it. Except on this particular one I covered it with burlap (because I really like it right now). Then I used the burlap to create little rolled roses and hot glued them to an 'M' which I covered with scrapbooking paper and hot glued that baby to the board. I like it. I am proud of it. Just thought I would share what I have been up to.

And it is not finished...

I have known Daniel for four years now. We have been dating for 2.5 years and we've been married 3 weeks. You would think I know all there is to know about him but I still keep learning more. Things I've learned about Daniel recently:
-He can't simply put something in the trash can, he has to throw it.
-If he makes the shot it will be followed by a fist pump. (even if he thinks no one is looking)
-He would never admit it but I am positive he likes my girlie shows, especially The Bachelorette.
-He prefers to watch t.v. laying down. (The problem with this is he cant lay down for longer than 20 minutes without falling asleep)
I love learning more and more about him. I like knowing how he ticks. The more I know about him the more I like. 1billion points to me for snatching this guy up.

Isn't he the cutest?!

But it's life as we know it...

Were back from our honeymoon in St. Lucia...see really pretty picture here:

Married life... Where do I begin?

Married life is different. It is less about personal space and more about 'oh hey this is a really small bathroom for both of us to be brushing our teeth at the same time but we are'. It is really different but I like it. It is like having a constant slumber party with your best friend. I like having someone to plan my meals with. I like cooking in our really tiny kitchen. I like having company without having to ask for it. Married life is different but it is good. I am excited about the things I am learning about Daniel. I am reading this book called 'For Women Only' by Shaunti Feldhahn. I have learned more about men than I ever imagined. Every women should read it at some point. (note: Daniel is reading 'For Men Only' and says it too is incredible) Read it people, you'll learn something I swear. I guess that is all for now I mean we have only been married a week and a half but I will keep you updated.

But this week...

It is here. The moment I have been waiting for. I have been dreaming about and planning for this day for SO long. To think that I get to stand in front of everyone and marry the man of my dreams bring this warmth to my heart that I cannot explain. I am about to become a wife. I am about to enter this point in my life where my flaws of selfishness will be magnified and I could not be more excited or frightened. I am excited to become more disciplined as a godly woman. I am excited to encourage Daniel when he is tired of chasing his dreams. I am excited to wake up next to the love of my life every single morning. I am nervous that Daniel is about to get to know all sides of me, broken and dirty included. I am nervous that I will disappoint him. I am nervous that I wont live up to his expectations of a wife. But I am excited to fail and grow with him. I am excited to learn more about him every day. And I am excited to love him whole heartedly for the rest of my life. There is no time left. This is the week. My future is about to begin.

Dear Daniel, I cannot wait to run down the aisle to you and say 'I do' to the rest of our lives.

But I always will...

New favorite band: The Civil Wars. They have this song called Poison & Wine (it should be playing right now). The lyrics: 

You only know what I want you to
I know everything you don't want me to

Oh your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine

Oh you think your dreams are the same as mine

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back

The less I give the more I get back

Oh your hands can heal, your hands can bruise

I don't have a choice but I still choose you

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

Oh I don't love you but I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will

I always will 

It is about a relationship (obvious haha). Well, ok, in her interview she says its about when you are in a relationship there are times when things are tough. There are times when you are angry and you just want to run away. There are times when you of it as a game. There are times when you want to give up. But she says thats part of being in a relationship. She talks about how if the relationship is real you always get through those times. 

It is called unconditional love. ASC had our semester retreat a few weekends ago and something I learned about myself is that I haven't grasped this concept of unconditional love. I mean I know I unconditionally love my family and unconditionally love Daniel but it's the unconditional love for me that I don't get. I can blame it on a lot of things probably most likely a HS relationship gone wrong but when it comes down to it I am left with these issues of abandonment and rejection. It has left me in this place where I feel like I have to perform to be loved. This includes my relationship with my family, Daniel, friends, and Jesus. The idea that there is nothing I can do to make Jesus (or daniel, or my friends, or my family) love me less is really foreign. But I pray over the next month (before i get married in 26 days whoop) I can see glimpses of this unconditional love Jesus gives. I am looking forward to getting to know Jesus as my lover. 

And I wait...

5 days until summer

5 days until I am done with ASC (after 8 semesters that sounds really weird)

13 days until I take bridal portraits

21 days until I turn 22

23 days until my bachelorette party

24 days until I move into our house 

38 days until I marry the love of my life (whoop)

39 days until the honeymoon (yay for a vacation)

It is weird to think this chapter of my life is coming to an end. I will admit I definitely didn't see it ending the way it is. If I had the power to change some things I definitely would but sadly I don't. And so that leaves me trusting that God's plan is so much bigger and better than mine. That leaves me anxiously waiting for the rest of my life to begin. 

And now we can breath a little...

Best friend,
Neither of us would admit it but we have been holding our breath over the past few weeks. To be honest every time the phone rang my heart sank to my stomach. We finally received the call today to end our worrying. I never realized how much I want to have children of our very own until I realized how much it hurt to think that I might not be able to. I am so thankful for your support during this time. You held me. You let me cry. And you told me everything would be okay. You have stepped up and taken the lead in our relationship. I am so proud of you. 46 days until we get to be husband and wife. That is 6 and a half weeks until I promise you my future. I love that we have secrets. I love the fact that our text messages look like they are in code. I love how much of a servant you are. I love that you put up with my off tune improv songs. I don't love that you are typically late but I can live with it. I love that you love Jesus more than you love me. I don't know how you ignore all of my issues and mistakes but I am so thankful you do.  You are the man of my dreams and I can't wait to spend forever with you. I love you.

Jesus,
I know that you are for me. I trust that you intend everything for good. Thank you for giving me Truth. Thank you for your grace and mercy. Thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. Let everything I do be glorifying to you.

And mold me...

I get to marry my best friend in 53 days!

We have pre-marriage counseling tonight so I was reading in the book were studying and there was one quote I enjoyed a lot. "What you are as a single person, you will be as a married person, only to a greater degree. Any negative character trait will be intensified in a marriage relationship, because you will feel free to let your guard down- that person has committed himself to you and you no longer have to worry about scaring him off." -Josh McDowell

Lord, continue to refine me. Help me grow more in the next 53 days than I ever have. I whole heartedly desire to be the woman of God that Daniel deserves. Continue teaching me because I have so much to learn. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you for a man that radiates your love. And thank you for loving me enough to give me life and breath each day.

And 2 posts in 1 day...

I know I know 2 posts in 1 day. Crazy. But I just had to add something because he deserves it.

Daniel, 67 days until we become one. 67 days until I get to share my life with you. 67 days until I become your wife. I am so thankful for the person you are. Thank you for loving me when I fail. Thank you for celebrating when I succeed. Thank you for seeing growth in me. Thank you for seeing past my walls I have put up and seeing directly into my heart. You know me. You get me. You love me. That almost seems like a miracle to me. You are one of the most godly men I know. You never cease to amaze me. I really can't explain how much you mean to me. But I am excited to try to show you every day for the rest of my life. You deserve the world my dear. You have changed my life. -Jodi

And is that me?

I met up with an old friend the other day and I made a comment about how I feel like I have changed a lot over the past year. She asked how... This leads me to todays post.

I HAVE changed over the past year. I think my biggest improvement is not pretending I have it all together. Last year I always put on this mask like I didn't have problems or wasn't struggling with anything. Instead of seeing my failures and mistakes as something to hide I accept them and try to improve. I know I am not perfect and I know I have things to work on but I am glad I am at a place where I can admit that. My goal is next year when I look back I see more improvement. I would love to not be so insecure about myself. Looking out how much I have changed in the past year I think it is possible.

I am excited the Lord is changing me. I am thankful he is molding me. And I am grateful he is making me in his image. Trials suck but at least they are making me into a better person.

And again with the humbling...

I had a bridal shower yesterday. It was so much fun. We ate, played a game, opened presents, mingled. The presents and games were a blast but the most memorable part of it was at the end when we were praying and different people prayed out loud for Daniel and I.  As tears came to my eyes, I realized how completely blessed I was in that moment. I am completely humbled by how many people are invested in this marriage. I am just so honored that people would take time out of their busy days to pray for us or ask how things are going or come to a shower. I just can't explain how honored and blessed I feel right now.

But I stand waiting with a confident hope...

Let me start this off by saying, I am falling more and more in love with my sweet savior every day. A while ago, not knowing what I was getting myself into, I asked the Lord to mold me to be more like him and to make me into the God fearing wife I should be. Oh how powerful prayer is (can I get an amen)!

Jesus has turned my life upside down. He is putting me into places I do not want to be. He is forcing me to make decisions I do not want to make. He is showing me who I really am. And He is humbling me more than ever. But with these difficult times, comes this confident hope. Yes, He is forcing me to depend on Him. Yes, He is forcing me to give up the things I desire most. Yes, He is forcing me to see my imperfections. But whats beautiful is what comes from those things. He forces me to depend on Him to show me He loves me (unconditionally). He forces me to give up the things I desire most, to show me He is in control and will provide for me. He forces me to see the ugly side of me, so I can learn to be more like Him.

Dear Jodi (self), lean not on your own understanding (Prov 3:5) but trust that the Lord will give you the desires of your heart (Psalms 37:4). Allow the Lord to work through you because if you try to do it alone you will fail (Ecc 2:11). Rejoice in the victory because he partook in your suffering (1Peter 1:6-9) You are wanted, you are adored, and you are loved. (John 15:9)

And I want to be a cute housewife...

I am trying to prepare to decorate my HOUSE and here are some things I would like to see in my home. I know I don't exactly have the $ (dolla bills) to pay for this yet but this is just something fun to look forward to. Okay...

Top left picture: I love the industrial feel of this kitchen but I love this HUGE antique clock even more.
Top middle: I like these precious little cubby shelves for nick-nacks and what nots. It would look really cute in a living room.
Top right: Again with the awesome industrial stuff. How cool is this tv stand/ locker combo?! Great for storage.
Bottom right: Bedside table out of old luggage bags. Creative and AWESOME.
Bottom middle: I love this warm cottage antique glassware case.
Bottom left: I just love this room in general. It is so warm and 'homey' feeling. Love the flowers everywhere gives it a nice spring feeling.

SO YEA HERES TO MY FUTURE HOME.

And it is spring break...

It is spring break. YAY! Even though, no one is in town, and I haven't traveled the U.S. or done anything out of the ordinary, my spring break has been satisfying. So far I have...

started reading this book. It is incredible and I haven't wanted to put it down.

gone shopping and purchased these bad boys (measuring cups) along with some new clothes.

gotten a DEEP TISSUE massage. Though this picture makes you think relaxing, my massage was the opposite. My woman masseuse must have turned into a man when I put my head down because it felt like I had a linebacker rubbing my back. Good news is even though I left in pain I am very sure she got out all the knots. Bad news is I think I need another massage to get rid of the pain of the last one.

Other than that I have worked and gotten some R&R. It has been nice. 

And it is promised...

"For we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands." 2 Corinthians 5:1

But He is jealous for me...

So, my first wedding shower was pretty awesome. It was humbling seeing everyone who cared so much for our future. I can't explain what a blessing it was to have people come up to me and tell me they were praying for us and our future. Wow, I was thrown off guard to hear that. What an incredible blessing it was to hear that people care enough to pray for us! As for presents, we received so much including a microwave, convection oven, towels, 2 quesadilla makers, and a NINJA BLENDER. That is right ladies and gentlemen... a NINJA BLENDER! This is the blender of blenders. With 3 blades (one on the bottom, one in the middle, and one towards the top) it puts all other blenders to shame.

This leads me to how I am feeling... Well, I have almost felt sort of second rate lately. I will use Daniel as an example. There have been times when we have watched basketball and I will say something to him and he gives me a short "yea" comment. I know he would rather be watching the game than talking to me (duh, he is a boy). That is what I mean though. In that instance I was second rate because basketball came before whatever comment I was making.  Well, I feel like this has happened a lot recently. In Daniels defense, he isn't the only one. But, (here is where I tie in Jesus) this morning, at church, we sang 'How He Loves'. It starts off saying, "He is jealous for me". This hit so deep. My Jesus is jealous for me. My Jesus wants my time. My Jesus thinks of  me as first rate. My Jesus wants me. My Jesus considers me the NINJA BLENDER of all blenders. So this is me praising my Jesus for wanting me. 

And it's my story...

Lately my life has been disappointment after disappointment....
This weekend is my first wedding shower. This is huge. Its like reality hits. I am getting married soon. Needless to say I hope it doesn't follow the trend of my life currently. I'll update you afterwords. (Not that I think anyone actually cares about a stupid shower) But I will update anyway because this is how my story goes.

But it's romantic courage...

I have been inspire by the vulnerability of the people around me. And I have more than anyone needed to be reminded that it is ok to be broken. It is in God that we are made complete! This is something that kind of just came to me... I don't really want to share it but like I said I am encouraged by the Truth that comes when we are most raw.  So here is a little poem thingy I wrote called "Romantic Courage":

I don't want my life to be a contradiction,

But may the results of my love be a depiction.

Let it depict, let it convict, and Lord let it afflict the lost.

Though my faith is small, help me stand tall,

To conquer this world for your glory.

Can you give me the courage to be me?

Who am I but a broken child?

Who am I but a freedom fighter running wild?

Where do you want me? Where do you need me? Oh Lord, won't you show me?

You mold me and you change me.

Lord, I don't know who you want me to be.

Won't you give me the courage to be me?

This time of confusion will be followed by a time of peace.

This struggle can only produce a faith increase.

Help me shine. Help me grow, but most of all let it show.

Will you call me in and whisper so sweet?

Fill me with the reassurance of your story,

And give me the courage to be me. 

And when I go...

When I go home (to heaven that is) I want people to remember me as: kind-hearted, loving, constantly joyful, forgiving, always passionate, God-fearing, and beautiful (a beauty that seeps from the inside out).

♪ This world has nothing for me , I will follow You ♪

And it's true...

The good things in life are worth working for. 

And I need...

I would like to start off this post by noting one important fact... I AM THE YOUNGEST CHILD (aka the baby). This means I am needy:
-I need people.
-I need affirmation.
-I need to be needed.
Oh gosh, I am seriously needy (sad thing is, it is even worse when I am sick). Two things are going on right now, one being tomorrow is Valentine's Day and the other being I am re-reading Redeeming Love. Both of these things are incredible reminders of how much I have until my younger child syndrome creeps in and leaves me "needing" (wanting) more. I "need" more affirmation. I "need" more attention. I "need" more excitement. Being the youngest child, when people aren't around I talk to myself. And these are the kind of things I have been telling myself. I need... I need... I need... Its almost like I think I deserve these things. I think my selfishness has completely muffled out the Lord. I haven't heard Him lately and quite frankly that made me angry because I NEED (there we go again) Him to be my friend. So where am I now? Attempting to go through the things I really need and the things I w...w...want. Whats the difference again? ;) When will I grow up? When will I realize what is truly important? When I will be less self focused and more Him-focused?

And the sun will come out...

Dear time at work, my intentions were to fill you with homework and studying but none of that happened. It's ok to waste a little time right?! Dear Mr. Morrow, I love that our way of deciding where to eat out involves you texting me options and me either replying "booo" or "hmmm". Thanks for understand my nonverbal communication skills via text message. Dear Jesus, thank you for pursuing me day after day. And thank you for loving me unconditionally. Thank you for your persistence in my life. And thank you for saving my soul. Dear friend, thank you for listening and thank you for offering/ going to do really boring things with me. It means more than you know. Dear soon-to-be-hubby-man, I love that you call cutting me off taking the lead in our relationship. I have full confidence in your ability to lead our relationship (unless it involves driving in college station). Dear Kails, thanks for hanging out with me this weekend and thanks for making me laugh so stinking much. Tell Patsie I said hey. Dear self, You are wanted. You are loved. You have worth. Remember it.

How can I be praying for you?

But God just hears a melody...

But you make beautiful things...

I am currently obsessed with this song, Beautiful Things by Gungor. Here are the lyrics:

All this pain

I wonder if I’ll ever find my way

I wonder if my life could really change at all

All this earth

Could all that is lost ever be found

Could a garden come up from this ground at all

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

All around

Hope is springing up from this old ground

Out of chaos life is being found in You

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

You make me new, You are making me new

You make me new, You are making me new

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of the dust

You make beautiful things

You make beautiful things out of us

I know that when you are saved you die to your sins and are "born again". I've been told this my entire life. First of all, I think I have done a crappy job of being renewed into the person the Lord desires me to be. I know that I am constantly growing and I pray that I never go back to the person I was 4 years ago. Shoot, I pray I never go back to the person I was a week ago. I hope I am constantly growing. I hope I am constantly changing. I hope I am on the track to becoming the woman of God I was designed to be. Second of all, it is difficult for me to look at the sin in my life and see myself as a beautiful creation God made. In the song it says, "You make beautiful things out of the dust". How does the Lord allow a garden to grow from the dust that I am? It's a question I have yet to figure out, but I am praying that the Lord changes me. I am praying that the Lord hears my desire to be selfless, gentle, loving, forgiving, joyful. I am praying that the Lord can make a garden grow from this dust. 

But today is the day...

I think one of my biggest struggles is looking towards the future. Note: when I say "looking towards" part of me means "worrying about". My life is going to drastically change in 4.5 months. I am going to be a wife, have a husband, live with a boy, sleep with a boy (whoop), begin my own family... the list can go on. I am getting married in a few months! How can I NOT look forward to that?! Im sure you are saying to yourself "well thats understandable", at least thats what I told myself at first. 

Once I took a look at what the bible says I realized I am sadly failing at life. Matthew 6:34 "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" and along those lines V33 "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well". It is not easy for me to wake up saying instead of just watching time tick away and surviving this semester, I need to actually LIVE in the here and now! To be honest, my heart is ready for the future. I am ready to have a husband I can wake up to and begin our family. Unfortunately, my readiness for the future needs to take back seat to my duties of today. So that is what I am going to be working on! (words of wisdom are freely accepted)

And He wants me...

"I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me more than I want burnt offerings." 

-Jesus [Hosea 6:6]