And all to Him I owe...

The sermon at church yesterday was about one word in Romans 1:1. "doulos", meaning slave. Paul opens Romans up with saying "This letter is written by Paul, a slave of Jesus Christ...". Our pastor began talking about how if we all took on the nature of a slave the world could potentially be changed. Then he went on to discuss the characteristics of a slave. He names 3 things a servant of Christ knows how to do: 1. give, 2. live, 3. forgive.

Giving is about putting aside our selfish nature. Its about ignoring ourselves and focussing on the Lord. Then Dr. Higgs said, its time we stop saying I will do things for MY way to look out for MY best interests. Instead, we should be saying I will do things HIS way to look out for HIS best interests. This really hit hard. How many times a day do I say the words I, me, my, myself, etc? I am so self focused that I am ignoring my task at hand, which is to further the Kingdom of God.

Then Dr. Higgs made a comment about slaves essentially gauging their ears, to show everyone that they were someones slave for life and could not be traded or bought. So that led me to the thought, how do people know I am the Lord's servant? Or do people even know that at all? The Lord so graciously bought me a very long time ago. He paid the price for my sins and now I am eternally His. Yet, I am sure there are people out there who have no idea because I forget to wear it daily.

He ended his sermon saying, "I am a slave of Christ. What are you a slave to?" That is one of those times where you get a good gut check. Its tough to see where we fall short, but its time I begin to let the world know. I am taken. I have been paid for. I am eternally His servant.

And we walk by faith...

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." -Reinhold Niebuhr

And we pray...

This post I just want to list some prayer request...

1. All of the missionaries traveling to foreign lands right now.

2. I ask that you pray for my heart as I began to prepare for Zambia this year.

3. My patience as I move for the 3rd time this summer.

4. That I find peace just being with the Lord.

5. My 3 best friends... Hallie- as she works at a camp called Sky Ranch, that she pours into the little girls she gets to work with. Kailee- as she begins working with a non-profit. Her salary comes from monthly donations or a one time donation. Her faith is so big and I know God will be faithful to her. And last but definitely not least Heather- she's working with a rescue mission in Colorado. Pray that she finds her place there.

6. Last be praying for the lost souls of this world.

And I am without an umbrella..

I have felt down for a while now. During the school things were easier because I could distract myself with my friends and ASC and work and everything fun in my life. Then, summer came and I found myself standing in the rain (not literally). I have talked about it before, how I am really bad about depending on God and giving everything to him. I am a woman of little faith. This obviously isn't something I want to be but I just find that there are times where I am on fire for christ and times where I am just cold. I admit it, since this summer has begun I have been cold. I have been so frustrated because I feel like I am fighting so many battles and they never stop. I feel like I am standing out in the rain soak and wet sobbing. My pride and my natural habit to focus on worldly things has put me on mute. I don't cry out to my God during this storm because I have lost sight of the faithfulness of my Father. I don't know if anyone really reads this blog because I know I ramble a lot, but if you do I ask for your prayers. I so desperately want and need to be captivated again. I want to be back at the place where my life is solely dependent on my gracious, loving Father.

She never slows down.

She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like its all coming down

She won't turn around

The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when it's all crashing down

You stand through the pain

You won't drown

And one day, whats lost can be found

You stand in the rain

She won't make a sound

Alone in this fight with herself and the fears whispering if she stands she'll fall down

She wants to be found

The only way out is through everything she's running from wants to give up and lie down.

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when it's all crashing down

You stand through the pain

You won't drown

And one day, whats lost can be found

You stand in the rain

So stand in the rain

Stand your ground

Stand up when it's all crashing down

Stand through the pain

You won't drown

And one day, whats lost can be found

[Stand in the Rain by Superchick]

Lord, allow me to feel your warmth and see you at work in my life. Get me back to the place where I am a vessel, not distracted by worldly things, ready to be filled up by you and poured out on your people. While I wait for you to return, I want to be devoted to furthering your kingdom. Allow my heart not to be consumed by this world but broken for it. Give me your passion, as you have so graciously given me life. -Your daughter of little faith, who is searching for you.

but its a different language..

I had the bright idea to take two 6week long summer classes that last for the duration of June. Mini-mesters, such as these, are difficult because it is only 6 weeks but for some reason I ignored that fact and decided to take both biology and business math II. Now biology has not been so bad when I actually read but math is a different language to me. It makes me want to beat my head up against a wall. I haven't really had this problem before (referring to not understanding). Even when I go to Zambia (where they do speak a different language) I don't struggle that much. When thinking about it today it kind of rolled over to the different love languages. I took this love language test and it asks 30 questions and tells you how you scored in each. My scores: 7- words of affirmation, 7- physical touch, 6- quality time, 5- receiving gifts, 5- acts of service. Thinking through friendships and relationships I really do agree. In my friendships, nothing makes me feel more loved than hearing that I am appreciated as a friend. Looking at my relationship with Daniel I think I take his acts of service for granted but what really stands out to me his me walking in and him telling me I look gorgeous or him kissing my cheek when he sees me after a long day at work. I realize that everyone doesn't have the same love language but I think the important thing is that we love. Our world is desperately lacking it and I think no matter what language we use, the important thing is that our world finds love and finds it soon.

And it starts with me...

While procrastinating my biology assignments, I read a quote online that said, "The only thing we never get enough of is love; and the only thing we never give enough of is love." This made me think (of course) and I completely agree with this. Love is talked about over and over again in the bible, and is described in many ways. I think we, as a nation, and as a church, have fallen short of what God has called us to make of love. I talk a lot about how our society has affected us and this is going to be another instance. Were shown in movies and music this love that is passionate and unbreakable but then when we don't find it in society that is all we can think of. Until recently, I always blamed society for giving us a false image of love and making me (as a girl) have an unrealistic thought of what falling in love looks like. But I started thinking about it and why is that passion and love unrealistic? I think it has a lot to do with us being scared. We feel like someone has to love us, whether it is our moms, our dogs, or even ourselves. So we hold out. We keep a lot of the love we have to ourselves because were scared no one else will love us. We are a selfish nation and we have been taught not to give more than we are given. That isn't how love should be. We should give our all. Love should never be conditional. I just think we have distorted this beautiful thing God has given us called love. I think we, NO... I know for a fact that it is time for a revolution. It starts with me right?!