But I aimlessly search...

I have realized lately how much I depend on the people around me. I depend on them to give me affirmation in our friendships, in my character, and in our daily lives. I depend on them to support me and stand up for me. I depend on them to be honest with me and truly just show me love. I am unsure what the Lord is doing right now but I know there have been many times lately where I have been disappointed by my friendships. Keep in mind I am not referring to all of my friendships because there are a couple people in my life that the Lord has just out done himself with and really put them in my life right at the clutch point, when I most desperately needed them. But yes there has been disappointment lately. Knowing that I can walk in a room and have no one talk to me is uneasy and uncomfortable. It is definitely a situation I am not used to and not comforted by. The Lord is throwing me out of my comfort zone. If I had a guess it would be because he wants me to depend on him more (which is probably right). I know I mentioned this is my last entry but I feel like I have been aimlessly, agonizingly, almost helplessly searching for something and the truth is he is right in front of me. I search and search for affirmation and for love and for something I can depend on. I think I am finally beginning to realize there is no need for me to search. My God is truly faithful. My God is truly honest. My God is truly loving. My God is what I need.

Psalms 73:26 My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.