And it's a letter of love...

Hallie Miller, my lovely roommate, maid of stinkin' honor and soul(friend)mate, showed me the most precious blog. Read a few ---> http://www.todaysletters.com/

The amount of love this couple shows is beautiful and inspiring. If everyone loved like these 2 do the world would be a little more like our wonderful creator made it to be. So this post (and probably many more) is greatly inspired by and in honor of The Loerke's, 2 people I do not know, but reminded me what love should look like.

Dear Precious Roomies, I couldn't have better roommates. If it weren't for my loving fiance and his desire to spend the rest of his life with me, I would sit around on our living room bed forever watching trashy shows with you until the day we die. Dear Calendar, you give me anxiety every time I look at you, but I love that you are color coded. Dear fiance, comparative politics is already my favorite class this semester, not because its awesome because I promise it's not, but because I get to see you in my peripheral vision for an hour every other day. Dear Jesus, you love me and redeemed me and saved me and I have NO idea why, but thanks times a billion!

And this is my heart cry...

He must become greater; I must become less. John 3:30

But I will rejoice...

I am learning a lot right now. Some of the knowledge I am acquiring is deep and meaningful, some not so much. I would love to take time to go deeper into everything but there isn't enough time. There is never enough time though, right? Anyway here is just a little insight to the things I am learning. Maybe, just maybe, you can learn something.

-God's timing is perfect. That means his timing is better than mine (and yours). I think that is evident in the relationship I am in. You see, I have wanted to get married for a long time now. I am talking about 9 years of imagining my wedding type of thing. My time in high school and college was spent searching for "Mr.Right". Finally, sophomore year of college God and I had a heart to heart and I just gave it to the Lord. A month later I was going on a date with my future husband. My point is God's timing is perfect.

-Wedding's are expensive, stressful and exciting.

-The best thing about being engaged is being able to pray with Daniel. I strongly believe prayer is something intimate and Daniel and I wanted to wait until we were engaged/ married to pray together. I mean we would pray before a meal when we were dating but it is nothing like sitting there praying over our relationship together. It is easily the best part of our relationship.

-Everything isn't about me. I have an issue where I am often times self-centered. I think my prayer for myself over this year is that I become more God centered. If I cared less about myself, maybe the Lord could use me more. I mean my desire is to be a vessel for the Lord and I think a lot of the time I stand in the way of that.

-I have some of the best friends ever! To see how excited they got for me, when we got engaged, was a blessing. It was reassuring of how much they cared for me and our friendships. What a blessing it is to have them (y'all) in my life.

-It is time I begin to sing my song in this desert place. Last Sunday our preacher spoke over Exodus 15. It's a song Moses and the Israelites sang in the desert place. Dr. Higgs talked about the importance of singing in the desert and rejoicing in our sorrows. I think it really hit home to me because when I am "in the desert place" I like to roll around in my self pity. So many times I forget to rejoice. I kind of feel bad that God has to listen to me whine and complain. He deserves so much praise, even when I am low, even when I am without water.

The Desert Song by Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've recieved I will sow

And you are the love of my life...

Yesterday, was Daniel's dad's birthday so we made plans for Daniel to pick me up from work and we would go eat with his family. So, come 7 o'clock I got in his car and he told me there had been a change of plans and I needed to shut my eyes. I laughed and told him no and he said, "Jodi I can blindfold you or you can shut your eyes". I finally agreed to just keep my eyes closed and he began to drive. After about ten minutes the car came to a stop, he told me open my eyes. There we were in the parking spot at my old apartment building where we spent numerous hours talking, getting to know each other better, and trying to figure out if we should date or not. He looked at me and told me that parking spot was where our relationship became official and real. He talked about how that was the place he really started to fall for me. You see, Daniel and I really struggled with timing and whether or not we should date when we were first talking. I know we were both in prayer constantly over whether the timing was right or not because we were going to be intwo different places for that summer and our lives were already so crazy. In that parking spot we decided to follow our hearts and trust that the Lord knew what he was doing with the timing. Anyways, then he put a rubberband on my ring finger and asked me to close my eyes again. After about 5 minutes he had me open my eyes and we were at Chili's. He talked about how this was the place we would always go on little lunch dates and that was where our friendship grew.He talked a little more about our friendship and then took off the rubberband and put on a metal ring like a small keychain thing. He made me close my eyes again until we arrived at a friends old house (well down the street from it but close enough). He talked about how that was the house we had our very first date (which if you do not know our story I had no idea I was on a date but I guess it all worked out). It was a halloween costume party (date party don't forget). We showed up that night and there were tons of couples there all dressed like each other, which I was not prepared for. Daniel talked about how this waswhere he saw how I can gracefully handle awkward situations (hahaha). He said this is where thesparks flew and this all began. Then, he replaced the metal ring with my Memaw's old wedding ring (except the diamond was missing). That was so special to me because myMemaw meant the world to me and she left me her wedding ring when she passed away. So I closed my eyes and shortly the car came to a stop and he got out. He came around got me out of the car walked me a few steps and told me open my eyes. I opened my eyes to see us standing in the parking lot where we first met for impact (incoming freshman christian camp at A&M). He didn't waste too much time there after he talked about how we met and claims he schooled me in four square (which we know isn't true). Then he just got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife (it was obvious he was slightly nervous). And I said YES! So he replaced my Memaw's wedding ring with a very beautiful engagement ring. It's a round cut solitaire (the diamond being the one from my Memaw's ring). Everything was so perfect for me, the proposal the ring, HIM!

I woke up this morning in disbelief. The beautiful ring on my finger quickly reassured me it wasn't a dream. I am engaged to the love of my life. I know we're young but honestly this is the most God centered relationship I have ever been in. He is nothing I was looking for, because he is more than I could imagine.

(Also I would like to shout out to the beautiful ladies who helped Daniel. Even though you are all secret keepers, I love you for it!)

But they will never know, that I will never forget...

I have always lived by the assumption that if I do not leave my mark on people, if I do not change lives, I have failed at truly living. I don't know how many lives I have touched or how many people could honestly say their lives would be worse off had I not been born. I don't think that is something I will ever know but I have come to peace with that. I may never see the harvest of the seeds I plant today but the God I serve is faithful.

I have images of the children from the communities, in Zambia, stuck in my head. Faces that I can't seem to forget, of children I may never see again, are running through my head. These children have planted seeds of hope in my heart. They have planted seeds that will change my character into a better woman God. Thats something they will never know. So, I have hope. Hope, that I am planting seeds, despite not seeing the harvest.

But I know now...

It's friday evening and camp is officially over. This morning was the "JOY party", where the kids get their blessing boxes and dance around and just have fun for a while. It was incredible to watch these kids, who were emotionless and dead at the beginning of the week, turn into these joyful children, dancing and singing to their Lord. My girls loved the blessing boxes and were so grateful for everything they were given. I worried at the beginning of this trip that the Lord brought me out here to tell me this wasn't where he wanted me anymore, but I think this was a sweet way to show me this part of my life is coming to an end. Don't get me wrong I love Zambia and I think Camp Life is incredible. I know the Lord had me here the past 3 summers for a reason (that reason being for my benefit and the children I had in my groups). I learned a lot about myself and about how much the Lord truly loves me, this year. I find it interesting that He had to bring me half way across the world to teach me how to depend on Him and show me how much He truly cares for me.

I know now that my journey doesn't end when I board the plane to America. He has big things in store for me and I am excited about being a vessel for Him in the states. I know now that the joy of the Lord is my strength.

And today I am still tired...

So, I woke up feeling about the same this morning but I went to camp anyway. I am thinking now it was a bad idea because it was very cold and windy today, so I am only feeling more exhausted. I met 13 of the 15 girls I have this week and they are precious. They range from 8 (which I really think is more around the age of 6) to 16. I got 9 blessing times done. A blessing time is just a one-on-one time where I learn about the child's situation. So my smallest girl Freida (who claims to be 8) was very difficult to get to open up. I asked her question after question and she would take her sweet time thinking before she spoke. So I wasn't surprised when she took her time to answer, when I asked "What do you want to be when you grow up?" After a long pause she replied, "white". HAHAH Yes she understood the question, apparently, that is what she wants to be. Like always prayers are needed and appreciated. Nakuyewa Nikukondani Maningi (I miss you and love you all a lot).

But today I am tired...

I woke up today feeling awful. My immune system is like non-existent. I have a lot of sinus drainage stuff going on, so not only is it making my nausea worse but now my glands are swollen. I laid in bed all day. Kailee said she saw my girls I have this week and some of them are from last year. She said they added some young girls to my group too so I am hoping I will feel good enough to go tomorrow. I hate being sick in a different country. There isn't anyone to really take care of me so its difficult. I am ready to feel better. Prayers are needed and welcomed.

And the new week begins...

Well today was church day and then market day. Church and the market were both successful. Later today we received our zambian partners for the week. Well, some of the Americans only get one of their partners because the other one isn't coming until Monday. I was one of those Americans this week, so my main zambian partner wasn't there. My backup partner and I met together when I would've normally met with my main partner. His name is Shadreck and he speaks very little English. It was miserable to be honest. It is really difficult to get to know someone when they speak a different language. I feel like the devil is just doing everything he can to put me down this trip. Tonight at dinner (during the testimony time) a guy stood up and said that his motto for the week and suggestion for everyone is to "focus on what it means to be faithful today". I guess that is my only hope and the only thing keeping me going at this moment. I am not ready for the week right now. I am exhausted and tired and ready for working toilets, showers, and American food. Nakuyewani maningi (I miss you all very much).

But were called out of our comfort zones...

So I thought today was going to be a relaxing Saturday but instead a few of the younger people decided to go to the 20 and under national Zambian soccer game. There were about 15 of us muzungus (white people) with a huge zambian flag we carried. Lets just say more people watched us than the game. We stood in the section with the drunks who were smoking something questionable and blowing their vuvuzelas and playing bongos really loud. It was so far out of my comfort zone I cannot even explain the anxiety I was having. I am glad I did it because it's a crazy experience to have but it definitely wasn't the relaxing day I expected.

And with JOY there will be healing...

Today was the last day of camp for week 7. The theme this year is JOY. Earlier in the week we talked to the kids about J- for Jesus, O- for others, and today was Y- for you. So today was the day we gave them bags that had their blessing boxes in them along with a bag of sugar, mealy meal and cooking oil. The blessing boxes had a beanie baby, a sheet of stickers, a bar of soap, a tube of lotion, an eraser, a pencil sharpener, 5 pencils, 2 pens, a ruler, a bracelet, and a gummy snack. I know to Americans these all seem like such simple things but the JOY that these goods brought was unrealistic. Each of my boys looked over all of their stuff for like an hour, they were so amazed. When it was time to leave they took the bandanas they received the day before and covered up the stuff in the bag. I asked my partner if that was because they thought someone would take it in the community and they said yes. The thought of having to hide my pencils, so no one will take them, is so unimaginable. When they went to load the buses one of the boys, Steven (14 years old) began to cry because he was so sad he would not get to spend more time with me. These boys are just so incredible and have taken a special place in my heart. Thank you if you had any part in helping me get here through financing me or prayers. You are very much appreciated. Continue to pray for my boys as they return to their community, that they will remember Jesus, Others, You. Also, I ask that you continue to pray for me. I am having issues with sickness and such and so I ask that you keep me in mind. Zikomo (Thank you). Nikukondani (I love you all).

And its shoe day...

Camp day 4 is always crazy, because its shoe day. Shoe day is crazy because we give every camper a new pair of shoes and then go into the community of the kids in our group and watch them witness to the people in their community. Well I was told at the beginning of today that I would get to see Moses (my sponsor child) at the community resource center (that of course made me so excited). So getting all the kids shoes was super difficult because they ran out of sizes 6 to 10 before my group of boys got in there. Half of my boys had fitting shoes at the end and the other half had shoes that were at least 2 sizes too big or girl shoes. One of my kids wears a size 7 and had to get size 11 shoes. So needless to say it was slightly stressful. Once shoes were done we loaded the buses for the different communities. On our way to Chawama (the community my boys were from) they told us we weren’t going to stop at the CRC (community resource center) because it was too far and we didn’t have enough time. My heart instantly dropped because I knew I was going to get to see Moses but I tried to not let it show. So we went through Chawama spreading the Gospel and Gods Joy. The Americans and Zambian staff returned back to the bus and said good by to our kids. We got back on the bus and they told us we had to stop by the CRC to drop off the kids. Once we got there I saw Moses walk out the door and so I yelled his name and he came running towards me with open arms. Note: Moses is a 16 year old boy so watching him run towards me was so heart warming. So we started talking and I asked if he had fun at camp week 4 when he came and he said yes but I cried everyday because I didn’t have you Auntie Jodi. OH MY GOSH my heart nearly hit my stomach. I was like ME TOO Moses, me too! So I got to spend about 15 minutes with him, which was glorious. I told him I would write him more letters and he was like good I like them very much. It was a sad good bye but I am very grateful for the time I got. Pray for me as I go into the last day of this week’s camp. The last day is always the craziest and I really need energy. Nikukondani maningi (I love you very much).

And its camp day 2...

So day 2 of camp I felt a little better. I had a pretty good day. Moses, my sponsor child still wasn’t at camp so I asked Holly about it and she said he came week 4 because he was in the database more than once. That’s so disheartening to hear because he is MY boy, but she said she will try to get him at camp this week at least one day. I guess that is all I can ask for. I am just trying to enjoy the boys I do have. Today in the big season (which is where all of the groups come together and hear a message) I saw another woman breast-feeding her child. I am talking about in the middle of big group with everyone in the room. Needless to say I was still awked out by it. So anyway today was better continue praying for my fellow American counselors, my boys, and me. Tonight, I started feeling bad again. They auctioned off a 6-pack of dr.pepper tonight. A man bought them for $120. He gave me one. I am forever grateful. Buuuut now I have a tummy ache. Zikomo (thank you). Nikukondoni (I love you all)!

And your prayers are needed...

Well, it was the first day of camp today. I woke up at 7a.m. not feeling good but I didn’t want to complain and so I toughed it out, ate breakfast, got dressed, and left for camp. Monday mornings at camp kind of suck because it takes around half of the day to get your kids. Once, I got to camp I started feeling worse and worse. So before I even got my kids I left to go back to the villa because I just couldn’t take my nausea. So I slept for like 3 hours back at the villas and then went back to camp and noticed I had my boys this week. BUT only 4 of my boys from last year were here and I got 11 new ones. Moses (my precious boy I sponsor) is not at camp and I am pretty torn up about it. So today was really hard and I am frustrated. It’s difficult because to be honest Moses was the only reason I came back. I know that sounds terrible and I know God does everything for a reason but it is difficult to be in this circumstance. Continue sending your prayers my way. Nikukondoni (I love you all).

And the journey begins...

Today Kailee read one of her letters someone wrote her and it talked about how psalms 118 is the middle of the bible and how psalms 117 is the shortest book and psalms 119 is the longest chapter in the bible. I know the Lord has a reason for everything so I made Kails read 118 to me. It talked about God’s steadfast love and how it endures forever. No wonder he made it the center of the bible. If we center our lives on the fact that God’s love for us is supreme and endless, our lives will be changed forever. Psalm 118:14 says “The Lord is my strength and my song; he has given me victory”. That is my prayer right now. It is so easy for me to be on this emotional roller coaster while I am here (in Zambia if you didn’t already know). It’s tough. I enjoy walking out of my house and knowing how and where I am going but here I have to go by someone else’s schedule and ride a big blue bus to get everywhere. We get our kids tomorrow at camp so I know it will all be worth it then but right now I am jetlagged and exhausted. So this is my prayer, Lord, you are my strength and my song. I know I am victorious in you alone. Tonight we got our Zambian partners (translators). Its kind of a big deal everyone comes together and they call your name and your partners name you stand up meet each other and talk for like 30 minutes then go back inside to do some camp songs and dances. Well my partner is very talkative. Her name is Monde (pronounced moan-day, yes sounds a lot like Monday). She is really funny; she informed me that she only dates white men (I held back my laughter at that point). Anyway when we finished talking and praying together we went back in the big room to sing and dance. I look back to see all of the other Americans with their partner and see Mrs. Utz (my stand in mother for the trip) with her partner. Her partner was a middle-aged woman who was breast-feeding her child right in front of everyone. Yep, apparently it’s normal here (of course I was unable to hold my laughter in at that point).Tomorrow we get our kids and I am ready. Be praying for me and Monde and our kids. I know the Lord has set aside a special, unique group of kids for us and I want to make sure I am allowing the Lord to speak through me so these kids can get the most out of camp.

Thanks for your prayers and emails. Love you all.